I love this. Writing I mean. There is a gift in here- the current schedule, commute- that puts me in a space I have not been in for years. It has to mean something, right? The similar commute, the road closed by racism, the same 1-mile patch of land, the same view, the classrooms- it has to mean something that what I am doing today is so similar to my high school experiences, right?
Yesterday, I had my Photography, Film and Design class. It was a demonstration day- we went outside, the small cohort that was on campus so I could demonstrate natural lighting and the use of a reflector. It is a lesson I teach every year, it is a lesson I really love. I’m not sure why I taught it this year since we are not using shared classroom equipment due to the COVID19 pandemic. We are not moving about in small groups of three to practice our natural light portraiture, nor will we repeat the exercise with studio lighting- we can’t get that close, there are not enough of us on campus, it is not safe.
Going outside for the lighting demonstration meant one student was the model, one student held the reflector, one student used their phone to broadcast the class to those at home using Google Hangouts, and two students remained to swap in as photographers. I tried to rotate the models and the photographers as usual. I tried to move relatively fast so we would still have time for editing. I tried to direct and instruct without moving close to the students but it was impossible. Photography by its nature is personal, intimate, and close. At least the photography styles I have historically focused on in my classes. We are equipped for some macro projects but not landscape photography. We could do so photo manipulations- more Photoshop/GIMP work, but that is not the craft I’ve focused on in these classes. We’ve focused on fine art photography- that’s what we’ve done, that’s who we’ve been. I’m thinking about how to shift for the Spring to follow the guidelines to stay safe and still translate my love for this craft to students.
I’m writing about this because I felt really good being the students in this way yesterday. This was the magic that is the heart of why I love teaching. It felt so good that I had a pep in my step this morning- I was looking forward to coming to work- for the first time since we returned to campus in the hybrid model.
WHAT???? In the past week and a half as I’ve been processing this experience I’m been thinking about what else I could do with my life if I can no longer work in the classroom in the way that I’ve come to love. I’ve thought about administrative eduction jobs, moving out of schools into non-profit educational organizations- hell, I’ve even been considering applying to a PhD program- the thing I said for years I did not want to commit to now looks really interesting. It is about feeding my brain while still trying to find the synthesis between the three strands that are my passion- digital media arts for storytelling, especially photography and short film; the creative and efficient use of educational technology to support inquiry-based learning based in relationship; and, diversity, equity, inclusion, and social justice work to improve our society for everyone- to move toward a collective we, humans and rid the world of the disease of hate, selfishness, and bigotry. You know, I like the little things. I’m frustrated when the external organization provided is filled with irrelevant minutia that sucks up valuable time the could be spent contributing to a greater whole.
I like being part of a team. I want a job- no, I want an involvement, a passion I get paid for where I feel respected, where I have time to breathe, reflect and grow, time to read, to write, to collaborate, to create. I don’t like working in a basement with no windows, I don’t like recognizing the structural inequities in an organization that says that take this seriously then being made to feel like something is wrong with me because I’m not “fine/happy/comfortable/accepting” of the inequity that affects me directly. I want somewhere that pays me what I’m worth and respected by boundaries. I was reasonable and clearly articulated expectations. I want accountability and follow through. I want collaboration, community, and appropriate solo time. I want to make photographic art that makes a difference in the world. Just a few things you see…
It is the first period here at school and I’m monitoring a study hall with one student. Hybrid learning, cohort model where ½ of the students are in attendance, of course, anyone can opt to stay home- and most have. So much work to catch up on, I’m behind admittedly. I’m worn out by the energy it takes to manage the minutia of the day and when I get home the boundary is enforced. I f I don’t take the time to rest and recharge I will not have the energy to even make it through the next day. So each day I’m a little more behind, a little more and more because the expectations are unreasonable right now and this is the cost.
I’m supposed to be bringing all of this cutting edge inquiry techniques to my classes- HOW? I see it in geometry and I wish I could translate this to others how the pieces here don’t fit.